Did you know that pleasure is something that goes beyond the feeling of satisfaction? When you hear the word “pleasure,” you might already be thinking of something that’s merely “aimed to please” you. What if pleasure went beyond that definition?
This week’s podcast episode is here to explain how our relationship to pleasure has become distorted. I hope to enlighten you and walk you through the deeper meaning of pleasure. This can be an avenue to reconnect with our bodies to heal ourselves.
Samantha Stelk, a Self-Love and Sexual Empowerment Coach tells us about how she helps women who are struggling in self-healing. She teaches women how to connect with their bodies through self-pleasure, and how to embody their truths and nourish themselves on the deepest levels.
“Our relationship to pleasure has become really distorted, and there’s a lot of stigma around it.”
Our bodies have been there for us in everything we do. Even so, we’ve become disconnected from them, living outside of them. You may be wondering “How did it get to this?”
The Disconnect from Pleasure
There are a lot of factors that contribute to our disconnection from our bodies. Our distorted perspective on sex as women can come from:
Generational trauma during our younger years may lead to disconnection from our body. You might have been taught by your family that “pleasure is selfish,” that “sexuality is vulgar,” or that “intimacy is inappropriate”. We build a wall between ourselves and our bodies with the idea that “pleasure is sinful”. As we grew up, we started to avoid truly connecting with our bodies at all.
Growing up in the south, the Bible Belt, I was told not to show a lot of skin. Bringing attention to myself was a bad idea. I should act a certain way to be accepted and respected. This raised a lot of questions in my head, and it was difficult to find answers. (If you’re a woman who also experienced this, know that you’re not alone in your struggles.)
SEXUAL AND PHYSICAL TRAUMA
Sexual trauma and physical trauma disconnect women from their bodies, because these traumatic experiences cause women to have a sense of distrust within themselves and have a perception that “Our bodies aren’t safe.”
Our culture is hyper-masculine, praising us for what we do. What we accomplish and how intelligent we are, act as glamourous stickers on our resumes of life. That inevitably rejects the “feminine” which includes our emotions and intuitions.
We, women, are sexualized by the media. To feel sexy or loved, we have to act a certain way. Women try to keep up with what they see on social media. If they don’t, then they won’t be considered desirable or lovable.
Because the media conditioned us to always look like our 18-year old selves, we’re afraid to age. We find it hard to look at ourselves naked in the mirror. The media always tells us that we’re not good enough, not beautiful enough, or not thin enough. When these things sink in, we don’t feel whole within ourselves. We constantly reach outside of ourselves to get validation or to feel complete.
“It is beautiful and holy to connect with ourselves, our sacred life force energy, our sexual energy.”
Self-pleasure is the process of going home to yourself, de-conditioning the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable. You learn to acknowledge and embrace who you are and let go of worrying about who you’re not.
It’s a deeper state of healing. It helps you get past the root causes of your disconnection from your body, your past traumas, your conditioning. Allowing yourself to feel pleasure is telling yourself “My body is safe. My body is beautiful.”
It’s time to heal.
Here are some simple yet powerful ways you can heal yourself through pleasure:
Creating a Relaxing Space – Lighting some candles and setting up soft pillows with some soothing music will help you get in the zone to relax and let your body flow freely.
Breathwork Meditation – When you’re feeling insecure about your body image, self-soothing and self-regulating through breathwork can help ease you.
Breast Massage – A breast massage is a great way to start your morning, as you give yourself love and nourishment that will radiate throughout the day.
You can get Samantha’s free Self-Love Breast Massage and Breathwork Meditation HERE.
“I am not my body. My body isn’t all that I am. But this is my vessel. This is the container, and it is here to support me and love me and nourish me and it takes care of me.”
Our bodies are our vessels, they contain who we are.
Pleasure can act as the fuel to heal our bodies, and help us create anything within ourselves, such as projects, inspiration, visions, and love.
“The truest love and connection that I’ve ever felt were always moments I was deeply embodied.”
It’s time to have a beautiful, loving, and divine relationship with our bodies, our sexuality, and our pleasure. There are parts of ourselves that we neglect, and through self-pleasure, we can create a bridge and reconnect with them and learn to love them. Self-love is the best love, and it is through being vulnerable that we can learn to love ourselves completely.
Loving yourself is essential to your healing, and in your journey to self-love, you must learn to understand yourself. The Coachable Masterclass on Identity is a FREE workshop where you can become a happier, more confident, and more successful you in 90 minutes. Register here for the Coachable Masterclass: Identity