Imagine if there was a pill that people could take to mitigate rock bottom. It would be an instant relief from trauma. But there’s none. And you have to live with that reality.
At some point in our lives, we were that 8-year-old little kid in our own way of being so desperate, not knowing how to get our needs met. We weren’t taught how. How many of us take our empty bucket and walk around life asking, “Can this job fill my bucket?” or ‘Can this relationship fill my bucket?”
Sorry to break it to you, but nobody is coming to save you. There is no Disney moment.
If your life is not what you want it to be, you can either shut up or do something about it.
Michael Unbroken, a coach, advocate of adult survivors of childhood trauma, and founder of Think Unbroken, tells us how to change the game and create a comeback in our lives. He went from homeless man hero with his consistent efforts of showing up for himself. He shares how we can heal, love ourselves, and ultimately become the hero of our own stories.
You can play the victim.
If you want to play the victim, you can freely do so. But every single day you do, that is a day you’re not moving towards your dreams. And every day that you’re not moving towards your goals, you’re moving towards a death filled with regret.
That’s hard for people to understand because we live in a society that is so nonsensical in its approach to dreams, healing, and accountability. It’s always somebody else’s fault.
It’s never “my” fault. The more it’s not “my” fault, the more disastrous my life becomes. And the truth is that a radical acceptance of accountability is the only true sense of freedom you’ll ever have.
Why don’t people step into accountability?
That’s the question nobody ever asks. It takes a profound unfolding of the reality that lies behind that.
The brain serves a singular purpose—to make sure that you live long enough to procreate and then watch your procreations procreate. That’s it.
The stimuli of life can be categorized into two factors: safe things and dangerous things.
The brain starts creating meaning from your experiences. If it’s safe, you may continue to do it. If it’s dangerous, your brain goes, “Hold on, wait a second. Don’t do it.” your survival is in jeopardy here. And you experience that with trauma.
Most people don’t know that trauma is not the finger that was cut off, nor wounds and burns. The thing that we really carry with us is the theft of our identity. Because for you to survive, you have to turn yourself off.
The brain says, “Being me is dangerous.” So if being me is dangerous, that means life is in jeopardy. Thus, I cannot be me because then I am unsafe. And if I’m unsafe, I will die, and I won’t serve my purpose.
You’re forced to decide, “I’m definitely not going to be me anymore.”
So you learn to shut off, bend, and be a chameleon. You learn to be who everyone wants to be for safety. And the problem is that it actually serves you for some time. But as you get older, you’ll realize you don’t have any idea of who you are. You don’t know how to say yes or no- you always bend, so others are comfortable.
You can’t be accountable because you’ve never had the space to discover what you’re capable of.
Stop. You can take control of this.
If you understand that you have all the control over yourself, you’re able to step forward. It starts with accepting and acknowledging the truth that you don’t know how to be you yet because you’ve never done it.
Change the way you think about yourself. Looking at yourself in the mirror and coming to terms with the reality of the situation you’ve put yourself in is key.
You have to get to that place in your life where you find the thing that forces you forward with momentum. It’s that interception.
What are you going to do to interrupt where you’re at right now? It’s often this massive, rude awakening where you’re like, “Okay, I’ve got to get my shit together.”
Figure it out. Do not negotiate with yourself. Believe in yourself as all other successful entrepreneurs did in themselves.
You can only build confidence through consistently doing incredible uncomfortable things.
You can have it all, but only if you earn every inch of it.
It’s not about whether you win by an inch or a mile—it’s how you play the game. So if you sit down every day and reflect, “did I show up today?” and build yourself on that, anything is possible.
We all know that mindset is everything, but not everyone knows what mindset really is.
Mindset is what you think becomes what you speak, what you speak becomes your actions, and what you act becomes your reality.
If you adopt “I am the kind of person who is kind to myself,” during decision-making processes, you ask yourself, “What would a kind person do?”
Would a kind person:
– Wake up on time?
– Make their bed?
– Go to the gym?
– Give their best effort in their job?
– Leave the relationship?
– Write the book?
– Start the podcast?
– Be the influence they want to be in their own life first?
– Be a great mother, brother, friend, or community member?
But the most important question is, “Would a kind person show up for himself/herself in the hardest moments in his/her life?”
Instead of quitting, they go forward because a person who’s kind to themself wouldn’t quit. When you start operating in that scope of kindness, you start to act how a kind person would, and that becomes your reality.
Our beliefs control our behavior.
Switch from “It’s not that bad” to “It’s freaking terrible.”
The biggest thing that keeps people in mediocrity is the line “it’s not that bad.”
The relationship—it’s not that bad.
The death—it’s not that bad.
It’s not that bad, so you never do anything.
You have to switch from “it’s not that bad” to “it’s freaking terrible.”
It’s that extreme to make me move into a position where I take a different action. It’s that terrible to motivate me to do something about it.
Don’t thrive in chaos. Thrive in what you want.
You can have everything in life in a long enough timeline as long as you’re willing to acknowledge the truth that you’re not good enough—yet. That doesn’t mean you can’t get there. It’s just you don’t have the skills to get there now.
Most people will quit so early that they never even make it to the playing field.
When you have that massive clarity about the life you want to build, it’s about showing up and doing incredibly uncomfortable and challenging things every day to build your confidence. So that when it’s time, and the game is on the line, you’ve already done it a thousand times.
Trauma is only one phase of your life. What you want is next right here. You’ve got to put in the reps. Don’t negotiate with yourself. Show up. Learn. Grow. Be coachable.
Trapped in a trauma that keeps you from progressing in life? Seek help from Michael Unbroken. His ultimate goal is to end generational trauma in his life through education and information, so another child doesn’t have a story like his. More helpful life lessons like this in next week’s Coachable podcast!