relationship and connection

How to Create the Intimate Relationship You Desire


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Do you feel like you’re stuck in the same relationship patterns?

Relationships are one of the most vital aspects of our lives and one of the most challenging spaces to navigate. That’s why it’s so essential to develop relational self-awareness to understand yourself and your partner better and create the love and intimacy you desire.

Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist, professor, speaker, and author, shares all the tools you need to dive deeper into your self-healing journey. You’ll gain insights into how to identify unhealthy relationship patterns, communicate effectively with your partner, and set boundaries that work for both of you.

The first step is to know what your triggers are.

The Urge to Self-Protect

We all have a deep-seated need to protect ourselves.

It’s the nature of self-preservation. While this can be helpful in certain situations, it often gets in the way of what we really want—a genuine and intimate connection.

One relevant idea regarding this topic is the impact of a 2+ year-long pandemic on our relationships. Let’s face it. We’re in the midst of collective grief. All of us are more at risk than ever to fall back on whatever we ourselves protected.

What is it within me that is being triggered in this scenario? 

My triggers are my roadmaps to my healing because they show me where my wounds are.

To connect with others, we must first connect with ourselves. 

Sit Gently With Yourself

“I’m a bad picker.” 

Many women unconsciously choose partners who bring up certain wounds repeatedly. In this trial-and-error selection process, they notice relationship patterns they do not fancy.

relationship and intimacy

There’s pressure to choose right.

Or stated directly, traumas have robbed us of the ability to trust ourselves. It may be hard to unlearn that, but it’s doable! You don’t need big steps or grand gestures to be finally able to say you’re ready to trust your judgment in choosing a partner.

Sit gently with yourself and devote your time to small choices—that’s where healing starts. 

Where Healing Starts

Healing starts within yourself. It may sound cliche, but that’s the truth. 

As children, we grew up observing how the big guys interact with each other how they handle emotions and tension. Throughout these formative years, depending on how stressed out or dysfunctional our family is, we are given particular roles such as the golden child, the scapegoat, the invisible, among others. 

These observations and roles that we had as children all come with us as our baggage in our intimate relationships.

These need to be unpacked.

Most people want to stay in the fun season of a relationship until the baggage starts to get opened up.

Based on who you are in your relationship with yourself, your treatment of others will show how far you are in your self-healing process. The more you know and understand your internal baggage, the more compassionate you become towards somebody else and what they’ve gone through.

You know you’re healing when your capacity to sit with and hold space for somebody else’s baggage grows.

Love in the 21st Century

We all know that love is changing. You can’t have your grandparents’ love stories because the context is different now.

But what does that mean for the way we approach love and relationships? How do we find our way in a world where everything constantly shifts?

Visit Dr. Alexandra Solomon’s website at as she explores the changing landscape of love and offers up her own unique insights and advice on how to make your relationship work in today’s world. See you next week for another podcast and other Coachable episodes!

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