Are you happy with where you are right now? Do your relationships make you fall in love with yourself more?
If you have to convince yourself that you feel a certain way, you don’t. You’re not just lying to the world, but more importantly to yourself as well.
When you enter into a relationship just so your partner can save you from your fears, that’s not love—it’s a trauma bond. And you might not know it, but it has most likely formed part of your system when you were still growing as a child.
As children, our truth is not validated or celebrated for many of us. It’s not allowed.
Society puts its version of the truth about you, so you struggle just to fit in. Now you’re living in avoidance of those pains and fears that have accumulated all these years, trying to be someone you’re not.
You can break free from that prison.
Spiritual Coach and New Thought Leader Candace van Dell wants to help you conquer yourself and experience genuine happiness through spiritual fitness. She shares her knowledge and experience on dealing with pain and turning it into your power.
Pain: Feel It To Heal It
Pain is a tricky thing. It’s scary and funny at the same time.
The mere thought of it scares you because you’re reminded of how that feeling hurts, how it stings, and how every second with it feels like forever. You just want it gone. But it won’t go away as long as you avoid it.
It sounds ridiculous, but that’s the problem with pain—you have to feel it to heal it.
And the funny thing is that resistance to pain is actually the one causing you pain.
Have you noticed that when you’re constantly running from the things you’re afraid of, it feels so overwhelming that you think you can’t face it, but when you actually go through it, it turns out to be much smaller than you pictured?
You’ll realize that you do tough things in life, and in the end, you’re still okay. And when that awareness sweeps in, you start looking through the fears instead of away from them.
So sit with the pain. You are capable of healing it.
And when you trace how that pain emerged in the first place, you’ll see that it’s actually that part of you that you’ve cast away because you’re too afraid of owning your truth.
Most of us are afraid of our shine because we grew up in an emotionally damaged environment—insecure parents and toxic families. Society does not really encourage you to own your truth.
So we cast a lot of our power into our shadows and project it onto our partner. We then go on thinking, “I need someone powerful.”
But being the awesome person that you are, you’ll realize that you could do it. The source of that power is actually within you.
And that’s what you’re afraid of—knowing that you could be alone.
Own your power and be free.
It’s not about getting rid of the shadow. You just have to love the dark and the light within you.
Many successful people struggle with this. Sometimes, they still feel like something’s missing. And that’s because they are living in alignment with measures that aren’t actually measuring up to their truth. They think that their worth is measured by how people treat them.
And that’s how they end up with a trauma bond.
No To Codependency
Some people are afraid to be themselves and lose themselves in the process. Or to be happy and have that happiness get taken away. To survive in this emotionally damaged society, you learn that it’s not safe to be who you are. So you conform to its standards and change yourself.
Of course, you belong to the world. But that doesn’t mean your purpose is worldly.
“I am looking for external validation that I am enough.” You lose your identity by not being loved for who you genuinely are. You’ve normalized your trauma, this codependent pattern, and survival strategies. And that’s when you start having negative thoughts.
Stop living externally. Introspect. Be honest with your authentic self.
The first step is to realize that you have been outsourcing your power from your partner, friends, and society. Strip your false self and identify your true self. In between these is the time when you have these creative opportunities to discover who you really want to be instead of who others tell you to be.
Shift your thoughts and align them with your higher self.
Yes To Spiritual Connection
When you heal your trauma bond, you start to utilize your own power instead of depending on others.
You’ll realize that the trauma bond is nothing more than a familiar pattern. You can’t heal it with the trauma. You need to approach it from the outside and say, “You know what, I don’t want this false comfort. I want to be with myself and heal the original wound, not with this boyfriend or girlfriend.”
And when you heal, you’ll be able to recognize healthy love where there’s no push-and-pull anxiety. It’s chill. You’ll feel at peace—just like how love should be.
We’re not just physical beings.
You’ll have this deep spiritual connection with someone, and this doesn’t end just because a relationship “ends.” This connection will carry on. You’ll continue to assist in each other’s journey in different ways. It just evolves.
And that’s when you know you had a healthy relationship.
Your Challenge This Year
Every once in a while, you ponder on what else you can improve in your life. We are all in a constant process of rediscovering ourselves, unlearning toxic behaviors, and embracing authenticity.
When you strive to be the best version of yourself, you don’t just get in physical shape or mentally strong. You also need to be spiritually fit to connect to your higher self. Only then can you truly love who you are. And when you have this deep connection with yourself, you can forge healthier relationships with others.
Candice can assist you with that through shadow work. She can facilitate empowerment and a consistent connection to the true self through her spiritual fitness tools. Learn more about how you can heal your emotional wounds by visiting http://www.candacevandell.com/. Keep posted on our latest podcast and other Coachable episodes!