How to know if the person you’re dating is in it for the long haul or is just looking to bunker down for winter. 

As the weather turns from summer to fall, it’s natural to look for comfort and warmth in the arms of another. Cuffing Season is here! A time during the winter months when people tend to be less social. They want to cozy up inside where it’s warm. For those who tend to stay single during the warmer months, this is a time when many are open to being tied down, booed up, or in other words… in a relationship. It’s not just because social life slows down.

Seasonal depression is real. As the temperature drops so do our serotonin levels. This triggers us to date people we otherwise might not in order to combat our feelings of loneliness. This can present a challenge for those who are looking for long-term love, not just a cuddle buddy for Christmas. So how do you know if the person you’re seeing is actually in it for more than a seasonal fling?

It’s important to be able to identify the Red flags and Green lights of dating during cuffing season. 

What is a Red Flag?

A red flag is something that alerts you to take caution in a relationship. It begs you to consider whether or not the person you’re dating is an emotionally safe and healthy person that is aligned with your values (what you’re truly looking for). Learning to spot and honor these red flags will help you to avoid heartbreak. It will also help you avoid a dysfunctional relationship down the road. So often we sacrifice what we want most for what we want now especially when it comes to love. We will unconsciously settle for the person who is giving us the attention we desire even if it requires looking past some of the red flags that are right in front of us. This is one of the biggest mistakes you can make when it comes to dating. 

If you notice what you think might be a red flag, check in with yourself. See if what you’re feeling is showing up in your body as constriction, tightness, tension or fear. If so, proceed with caution.

Some of the most common red flags to look out for are:

• They are constantly on their phone.
• You don’t feel like you can fully be yourself. If you’re having to pretend to be someone you’re not or always put on a happy, perfect persona this is a sign that you don’t feel safe enough to share your true self with this person. This is a sign to check in with yourself. Recognize you deserve to be with someone who you don’t have to perform for. 
• Criticizing their ex on the first date: This can bring up a lot of old feelings. This can show that they haven’t dealt with the trauma of their past yet. This also can give you insight on how they may talk about you in the future. Criticizing your partner can also be a defense strategy. By making their ex wrong this allows them to avoid responsibility for their 50% of the breakup. 

Keeping secrets: No relationship can be built without trust. If your partner continually withholds information and later more details come to light that would have been important to share initially this clear sign that the relationship is headed for trouble. 

• They push your physical boundaries: No one should ever make you feel uncomfortable, especially when it comes to the physical element of a relationship. If someone is pushing you to do something that you’re not comfortable with, that is a huge red flag.

What is a Green Flag?

A green light is great! When you get a sense that things are going right, this would be a green light. These can look like:

• There is emotional, spiritual, intellectual and sexual connection
• They are trustworthy and has integrity in what they say and do. 
• Partners who have a good relationship with family and friends: Especially when they want to share those relationships with you!
• Partners that are comfortable discussing feelings and emotions: The way we feel is important to share. Open communication is key!
• Willingness to work through difficulties and disagreements: Never go to sleep angry. Having the ability to work through difficult times and talk through disagreements is a must for every relationship.
• The compromise on issues instead of conceding or controlling the situation. 

Find Your Person

Knowing red flags and green lights can help ensure a partner is a good match. Whether you’re swiping on an app or talking at a coffee shop, being on the lookout for red flags can help you create the relationship you deserve. This doesn’t mean going out looking for something to be wrong with the person you’re dating. It just means don’t ignore, justify or lie to yourself when you do see them. 

Want more advice on relationships? Check out my website, https://torigordon.com and check out the podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coachable-podcast/id1475408897