Heart break is one of those things that can absolutely tear us apart. Losing a partner or taking the step to leave a relationship can leave us feeling utterly broken. My friend and fellow podcaster of Starves the Ego and Feeds the Soul, Nico Barraza, sheds light on why heartbreak can lead to the most incredible growth.
“People will come into your life at the times you need them most and teach you lessons that you don’t expect to learn.”
I like to think that people come into our lives like seasons. Some stay for many seasons, others just for one. Relationships act in the same way. Sometimes a partner is only meant to be in your life for a short period of time. In this time they may teach you a life lesson. They may even teach you more about what you need in order to be in a healthy relationship. Other relationships can be longer seasons or even last a lifetime. These can teach you more about yourself, about communication, about how to work through conflict.
When you look at heartbreak, stop focusing on what we feel we’ve lost. Work to focus on what we’ve gained. What did you learn from the experience? How did knowing that person and having that relationship better you? What can you take away from it?
Return to Love
Often we see a couple who has separated or divorced and think of the relationship as a “failure.” But if both people learned what they were meant to, then that relationship was a success. “The people who have the most to teach us are often the ones who reflect back to us the limits to our own capacity to love. They show us our walls. Our walls are wounds. The places where we feel we can’t love any more, can’t connect any more deeply, can’t forgive past a certain point. We are in each other’s lives in order to help see where we most need healing. In order to help us heal.” Marianne Williamson – A Return to Love
“The more I understand about myself, the more I understand my non-negotiables for another human being.”
Any relationship can lead to you being a better partner in your next. You’re becoming an even better version of yourself for you. After a relationship ends, the best thing you can do is think about what worked and what didn’t. You can take responsibility for your 50%. If you are a person who needs a deep emotional connection, a non-negotiable for your next relationship should be just that.
If your love language is physical touch, a non-negotiable in your next relationship should be around helping your partner to know this. They should see if they are able to meet the need. Use each relationship you have, whether it be friendship or romantic, to discover what you need in another person. By making those agreements with your partner and allowing people into your life that align with your non-negotiables, you are more likely to have long lasting relationships that bring you joy and satisfaction.
“Remain open, even through heartbreak.”
One of the hardest parts after heartbreak is staying open. I think back to the times when I completely closed my heart. I shut out everyone and anything trying to protect myself from deeper pain. When we close ourselves off, we refuse to let in the good that an ending relationship can bring. We miss out on those fun little moments like brunch with friends. We miss out on a walk through the park on a beautiful day or going to the gym. Being so busy focused on what we don’t have that we forget to be grateful for all that we do have. These little moments are what make us human! Although romantic relationships are a piece of it, they are not everything.
Relationships are definitely important to helping better understand our needs and non-negotiables in others, but they also help us better understand ourselves. Growing through heartbreak can seem impossible, but learning the life lessons and staying open to experiences can help us transform into the person we are meant to be.
Don’t Do This Alone
If you’re struggling with growing through heartbreak, then you’re in luck! In the month of September I am hosting a 3-part Virtual Workshop to help you discover your life’s purpose. In the Upgrade Your Reality Bootcamp you will identify your life purpose GPS coordinates. You’ll find what’s keeping you stuck and the key difference between people who are thriving financially, relationally, professionally and spiritually and those who are stagnant and playing small in life. Our first live Workshop will be September 14th. If you’re ready to stop asking the question “what is my purpose” and are ready to start living it, join me for the Upgrade Your Reality Bootcamp today.